F-F-F-Foolin’…

Happy April Fool’s Day everyone. I am not usually one to get very excited about playing jokes or pranks on people. Especially for the sake of being able to later laugh in their faces while calling them names like ‘sucker’, but that all changed this morning. If you know anything about our beloved Nate Berkheimer, then you know that Nate is an amazingly talented and versatile rider. If you know even a little bit more about him, then you know that few things excite Nate more than playing practical jokes on people. It could be due to his jockey-like stature or a number of other things, but Nate is not a guy who will ever pass up the opportunity to go to great lengths to convince people that something untrue is true so he can then laugh in their face.On the other hand, I’m a somewhat taller, laid back, and uncompetitive guy who finds enough humor in things that are real and true and who has hurt enough feelings in his day to have no interest at all in taking part in such “pranks”. While I’m not usually the least bit competitive, one thing that changes that in me is the desire to beat people at their own game and especially if they take what I consider to be excess pride in their ability to thrive at their own game. When I raced BMX, I could honestly care less which order I was in when I crossed the finish line. That is unless I was racing someone who was both not only good, but who knew they were good and had no hesitation in telling the rest of us they were good and much better than we were. That was a person who would see the laid back Trevor become a fierce competitor. Sure, it was still a little rare that I would beat that person, but I put up a lot more of a fight than I did racing people who didn’t have as active of marketing campaigns to tell the world how fast and cool they were. These qualities are what made me the perfect candidate to administer Nate (the prankster of pranksters) a dose of his own medicine today.  

I received a call this morning from Nicole at UGP, who had just fallen victim to some of Nate’s shenanigans. Nate had her convinced that NBL’s Pacific Nationals in Whittier, CA had been cancelled due to inclement weather or some other nonsense. This was a race that Nicole had been looking forward to attending. She got bummed out and then called Kevin at the NBL to confirm the news. Kevin smelled something funny and set Nicole straight on the race. It had not been cancelled. Kevin also put her in touch with me to assist with a counter-attack. Like I rambled earlier, I would usually stay out of such buffoonery and go on about my business, but this was different. This was an opportunity to cause many fingers with laughing faces on the other end of arms to be pointed right at Nate – doing the very thing he enjoys doing to others so much. I couldn’t resist.

Below is an e-mail I sent Nate. Some names and facts have been omitted to protect the innocent.

Nate, 

Happy April foolin’ day to you. I hope you’re doing well and enjoying your favorite holiday. I’m sure you’re having a blast with your usual antics and are enjoying the added benefit of being able to credit / blame the date for your behavior.

I would also like to be taking part in such activities, but ironically I’m having to discuss some pretty serious matters with people today. I don’t know if you heard it or read it anywhere, but my (now former) boss was let go last Friday. All of the details can be seen here (link to real story on bicycle industry news website) if you’re interested.

So what that means for me is that I have a new boss to answer to and I’m being asked to implement some significant budget-cutting plans that were passed down from above (definitely my least favorite part of this job).Unfortunately, your name has come up in discussions of where and how we might cut back our BMX program to save a few bucks. I was asked who our highest paid guys are and then asked to sum up their performances for the past year. I did everything I could, but I must not have done a very good job of convincing them that sending you to more races was a good use of the budget.

I wasn’t told that you would need to be cut completely, but I was told that between your salary and travel, the grand total of what we spend on you would have to at least be cut in half. We could accomplish this a number of different ways. We could cut either your salary or your travel completely, or we could cut each of them in half. We’ve got a couple weeks to kick this around so don’t think you have to tell me today. Let me know what you’d like to do and feel free to propose a frame deal of some kind to match up with the withdrawal of DB support so you could at least solicit outside parts sponsorship deals.

I’m sorry to be hitting you with this at all, but especially on a day dedicated to jokes and laughter, but this is something that needs to be addressed soon.

Taker easy Nate and let me know if you want to bounce different ideas off of me and please don’t think we’ll blame you for a second if you’d like to pursue more lucrative deals elsewhere. Many of us become friends over time, but we are reminded by things like this that this is also a business relationship and we understand that you have bills to pay too. We appreciate everything you’ve done for us Nate. Please keep that in mind as you mull this over.

Sincerely, Trevor

As I pointed and laughed in my head, I let this simmer in Nate’s head for much of the day. He later responded with this:

Dang, what a bummer. What did your boss do wrong? Will this take place next season? Or is this dude gonna break contracts? I know my race results aren’t top notch, but podium finishes and main events should count for something. As well as my riding different aspects of the sport. Who’s in charge now? Let me know what’s up so I can get things figured out.

Thanks Trev,

Nate

Whether or not you’ve fallen victim to Nate’s pranks, please feel free to join me in pointing at him and laughing for a little while should you cross paths with him at the track, park, or trails. Nate is a good sport and will be expecting you. Besides; even if thousands of us got the opportunity to point and laugh in Nate’s face, it still wouldn’t match the amount of pointing and laughing that guy has done at other’s expense.

Have a great night everybody, Trevor

No Comments »